watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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