Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just high enough for therapy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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