I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
BRING THE BAGELS
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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