SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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