Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
