her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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