and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
