Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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