Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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