did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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