but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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