If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize