my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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