Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
