so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
