Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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