I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think a kid would responsible me up
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
