No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
