my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Panties = found
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
