and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
