I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
