Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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