who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize