Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
