i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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