I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
