My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize