Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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