The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
