Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
