What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
