Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
