So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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