the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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