I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
