the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
