All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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