I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
