so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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