So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
