did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
