The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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