He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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