Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
