Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
