I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
