I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
