If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
