the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
