I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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