just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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