I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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