Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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