If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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