Can i not drive my cunt home
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize