Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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