Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
