One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
