so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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