he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize