there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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