Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
