I murdered the dance floor call the cops
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
