funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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