I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
