I wish I could punch you in the face.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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