I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
