i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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