The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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