I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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