we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
