He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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