Screwed.edu
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
