Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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