I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
