Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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