I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
