Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
