There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
