Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
