Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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