I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
