Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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