I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
please come you make the beer taste better
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
