in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
