so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize