His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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