How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
