I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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