I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize