yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
