Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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