OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize