Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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