It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Randomize
