But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
