just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and she was petting her beer can
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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