Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
