I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
