Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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