i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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