We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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