I feel great
I just peed on a car
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
