I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
