please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
