Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
